Morning Chat at the 101 Bus Stop.


"Ah howya Elsie - how are ya dis morning?"

"Ah jaysus howya Betty. Let me sit down furst. Ah, that's better. This feckin bag is killin me bleedin back."

"Wha have ya in it? Bloody rocks or wha?"

"Ya know - the usual shite I need every day. Ya know how Bertie gets when ya don't have all the shite with ya every day."

"He's a bleedin fecker, he is. D'ya sleep ok?"

"Nah - the feckin dog was barkin half de night."

"And wha was he bleedin barkin at?"

"I haven't a bloody clue - probably de wall or something stewpid."

"We used to have a dag dat used te bark at the wind. Now he was s stewpid arsewipe!"

"Now dat's a feckin lie."

"No! Honestly he did!"

"Ah yer pullin me leg Betty. No living ting could be dat bad."

"Well de dag was in our family, and ya know how tick some of me clan are."

"Dat's very true Betty. No sign of the creepy crawlie fecker heer dis morning?"

"No sign at all. I tink he has a nice face dough."

"D'ya tink so? It looks mouldie te me. Like a slapped arse if ya ask me."

"Ah c'mon Elsie - he's not dat bad. He's just a quiet sole. He wouldn't hurt a little fly."

"Still makes me skin crawl."

"Wha ya got fer yer lunch?"

"I made it last night. Didn't want dat fecker of mine robbin them dis morning."

"I got a ham and cheese one and a corned beef one. Wha ya got?"

"Egg and mayo and cheese."

"Euggh! Mayo! Dat's not yer usual sambo combo. I'm not swapping with ya fer defo now."

"Aragowaan! Ya know I lurve corned beef!"

"Der's mayonaisse on dem. No feckin way."

"Suit yerself. I just thought. Ah well, I knew ya like egg, dat's all."

"Ah fer feck's sake, go on den. Feckin guilt trip at eight in de morning."

"Yer a star Elsie Brennan. Yer savin me from the shite they serve at lunchtime in my place."

"It's hardly dat bad, is it?"

"I wouldn't feed it to a pig. It's slop. Proper slop."

"Really?"

"Really really. It looks de colour of a Chernobyl shite."

"Ah stop Betty. I can taste me porridge all over again."

"Value fer money der den - yer gettin te eat it twice!"

"Ha ha! Yer gas Betty. I tink I see me bus coming heer."

"And I tink I see mine behind it too. Look who's coming running fer yer bus now!"

"Ah jaysus lay off him Elsie. He's alright."

"Seeya later so missus. And no snoggin yer boyfriend at de back of de bus - ya don't want him moving yer fillings dis early in de morning!"

"Feck off you! Seeya later!"